I should have left everything behind. it’s been almost a year and I haven’t let things go. I still find myself somehow intwined with all this negativity I really don’t need. I guess I should be looking forward to summer, because as much as I just want to hang out with my friends, not having that time will help me move forward. the thing is, I will always care about you, and I wish I didn’t have to explain how lonely it has been, but all this year has taught me is to care less. or not at all
I just want to sleep without trying to accept these demons
Regardless of how many people I am surrounded by, I still feel lonely sometimes. Because it’s not about having the world’s attention. It’s having the attention of one specific person. Nothing else matters because in my heart, I know that person means the world to me. That’s why in a crowd of people, I still look for you. Maybe one day, you will realize how much you mean to me; you’ll realize that no one else matters to me as much as you do. It hurts to sit here waiting but what else can I really do? One day, one day this loneliness will go away.
There is that part of me, the weakest most vulnerable parts that once masked itself in the hues of strength. My attribute: my love. It was always love that confounds me and when unfounded, releases me but when it is present, it breaks me. All together, all at once, and this is the melody in which my heartbreak shatters. I am weak because I choose love over myself, about ninety nine percent of the time and I choose me when love is no longer able to revive its heartbeat from the depths of my ache. It is my love that hurts me the most, and now that I think about it—it has been the only source of everything I have ever felt whether it was remorse, regret, guilt, or pain. It is because I love that I break myself, what a strange fate that must be.
LOL why do I bother even waking up
I need to leave because nothing will ever be the same
keep moving forward, I promise it will be okay