It is okay to let go. Only a fool trips on something behind him.
nevertheless, I have people watching my back, and I am utmost grateful
it used to be that my phone would be constantly buzzing. so much, that I couldn’t read through an entire page, and it made it impossible to study. when it wasn’t like that, I would feel so lonely. but it’s gotten to a point where my phone hardly rings, and when it does, it most likely has to do with school. the thing is, it doesn’t bother me much anymore. maybe i’m too focused on myself, but it feels good.
I need to stop bitching and just do my work.
But today, this week[so far], has been fucking amazing. I hung out with Nicole on Sunday, and while I was feeling rather antisocial, it was a good reminder of how pleasant it can be to spend time with a friend every once in a while. Yesterday, I was just fizzin’. And today, today has been the best. Econ is by far my favorite class during my entire time here at CSM. Lehigh has given me so many standards on what a good teacher is, and I’m hoping to learn and incorporate some of his style when I become a teacher. I figured out the C++ code, with a little help, but I did the hardest part on my own! I’m just feeling extremely accomplished. What else, I had a sweet chat with Ms. Feinman today. She’s kind and understanding and I hope to integrate the skills I gain through SI into my teaching knowledge. Not at the peak of my motivation at the moment, but I’m determined to get my lazy ass rolling again asap. OHMYGOODNESS. so today. I got lunch with Carissa!!!!!!! I miss her so much. She’s the friend I have the most fun with from CSM, and school just won’t be the same without her around. I won’t have anyone to throw erasers at or joke about our stupid petty problems. But having lunch with her really made me happy, a happy I haven’t been since school started. Laugh and love and learn
haha look i’m back on this. For a while, not writing was making me really happy. I stopped thinking about the bad stuff since I was looking for things to write, but now I can’t stop thinking about everything.
getting my shit together never felt so good
if i pull this off, it really is the biggest fucking fish to catch yet. I just want to do well and prove to myself I can do this. no excuses. I’m already so happy being accepted for the 1.5 jobs, now I just have to follow through with it. It’s going to be a good semester, cmon stay focused. Eat, sleep, school, repeat.
What do you do when you’ve lost too many people too soon, all at the same time?
Distract yourself. If you typically hate going out, well guess what honey? Go out. Submerge yourself in a new life. Force it if you have to. Return to your hobbies. Better your skills. Be around your friends, even when you aren’t “in the mood”. Smile even when you want nothing more than to cry. Don’t spend too long feeling sorry for yourself. The people you’ve lost wouldn’t want that for you. And in due time, you will be able to say goodbye when you are ready. You don’t have to be ready right now.
I just need a break from it
because I was so inlove with someone and I let them tare me apart into a million pieces and I apologized to them for the mess I had made R’J (via thechildofstyle)
how do you still love me
stop, I don’t deserve this